I’ve been wanting to write all freakin’ day! Been soooo busy per the usual. Yesterday was my baby (not so much baby anymore) 14th birthday. And unfortunately (not really) while we were out to dinner, I missed a phone call. I have extremely mixed feelings about this call. It was sperm donor’s mother. What the pho?!?! She, as her voicemail says, wanted to wish lil one a happy birthday and to call her. Uh…ok that’s nice of you. That being said, I had let the lil one hear the voicemail and asked if she wanted to call her back. Response was no. Anywho, I didn’t force it on the child. Why would I? Why should I? And then started thinking…which is bad. What in the pho was she thinking? Last time she called was for the 12th bday! I don’t remember us getting a call last year. And on top of that, did she forget that we have another kid? She never called the baby for any of her birthdays in the last few years. Nor do I recall any call during the holidays. Bottom line, she’s had plenty of different opportunities to call and speak to them yet she seems to pick and choose. And not only that she could call any time of the year to talk to the girls. But she doesn’t.
Not only that, we haven’t heard from sperm donor in about 3 years now. No complaints there. I mean they are happy that we don’t have to deal with him in any capacity at all. But that doesn’t mean he can’t reach out to them. He has their emails, my number. That information has never changed. Same for her, she has their emails. But you gotta understand, what happened…well they don’t want nothing to do with that side of their DNA. And if you know the story, you wouldn’t blame them. And truth be told, it’s a relief not to have to worry about the anxiety levels in both of them. It’s nice to see that with everything I’ve done to ensure safety, they are doing perfectly well in their life dispite what happened and are extremely happy.
Anywho, I actually wanted to call her back today. My only problem was, well no matter what I thought of to say, she probably would have thought I was a bitch. Even the simple, hello, we got your message, wasn’t ignoring you, just missed your call, sorry, but she don’t wanna talk to you sounded horrible. And then the other ones were actually a bit bitchy. I wanted to tell her off for only calling when it was convienant for her. I mean like I said, no calls for the baby? No calls to randomly chat? Anywho..there’s so much that I would want to say but I shouldn’t.
And then, well it turns out that me and sperm donor have more friends in common then I originally thought. Why some people would feel the need to hide that particular information is beyond me. I really don’t care if we have mutual friends. What I really care is that those said mutual friends can stay neutral. I mean I truly hope that they aren’t feeding back to him information about the kids that I post when he himself can’t pick up a fuckin’ phone and call to see how they are doing. I hope that no one is passing on pictures of the kids to him because well like I said, I hope they are neutral. He shouldn’t have pictures of them. And it’s not like he can’t see them. My facebook is private but my instagram isn’t. I have nothing to hide. Unlike him.
My girls are my world, I’d do anything for them, they know it. That might have some repercussions in the future but I’ll deal with it then. Thing is, I learned about them, they are a bit more resilient then I thought they would be. And I’m glad. So yea, I’m tired of hiding parts of my life from our mutual friends, that’s not fair to them. I’m tired of hiding my beautiful girls from any of my friends that want to share in that part of life. So I don’t no more. It’s not fair anyway just because of what he did. He did that himself, he was selfish and screwed it up for himself. So I welcome him and his family to peek into my world with the glimpses of these wonderful girls of mine. I post to share with my friends and my friends only. I ask that those that are mutual be respectful and not share with him because frankly he doesn’t deserve any of it. He doesn’t deserve to see them the way I do. He doesn’t deserve to know about their life as we do, he should try to make contact with us to find out. Not thru a third party. But then again, at the same time, fuck it. He should see what he is missing out on. He should see what he tossed to the curb with the actions he decided to take.
This is his regret to bear. He did this to all of us. It could have been different. And the sad thing is, I know that him and the people on his side think that I am the worse kind of bitch in the world. But, I never did anything to keep him away from the girls. I opened email accounts so he can keep in touch. We did visitations. I rearranged our life so he can do visitations. I rearranged our life so that he could do weekly calls. Even when it was affecting the girls to the point of them having anxiety and separation withdrawals from me. They were terrified that he was coming to see them. That he was coming to take them away from me. That he would hurt me. How in the pho is that suppose to be kids growing up??? I’m suppose to fear for them and protect them, not them going thru it like that. And that is something that I hope he takes with him forever. He did that to them. So don’t blame the girls that they want nothing to do with him and his side. It’s all him. Leave us alone. You don’t believe our side, sweet young lil girls at the time…how could they lie about that? Just go away…all of it…when they are ready to reach out to you, they will. In the meantime, all of you should leave us alone. So yea, got your call sperm donor’s mother, just no one wanted to talk to you so we didn’t call back, wasn’t ignoring you. Hope you understand that.
Why do I have a feeling this is going to get back to him and then shit is going to happen just to spite me? I hope not. For the sake of my girls, I truly hope not. For the sake of my girls, I truly hope not. Leave them be. Preteen and teen life is just getting interesting for them….don’t need anything to interrupt that.